Newspaperman: The Karate Kid video history

It all started simple enough. Newspaperman in the deep throes of watching one of his many sweethearts have a good game, e-mailed The Jon. In this case it was Joey Votto’s three homer game Wednesday. This is a rough quote:
“Monster, baby. Monster. Three jacks in three at-bats, four RBIs, three runs, a walk and a stolen base. I have to change my panties!”

It was then The Jon finally pinpointed who Newspaperman reminded The Jon of.

Daniel LaRusso. Yes, you read that right, Daniel-San.

Road to the Title Part 2: A video history

The Jon remembers when it was a Dad weekend. For the 80 percent of us that have had to deal with divorce in the early ’80s, a Dad’s weekend was every other week when you go to a house where a man you hardly knew lived and didn’t have to do anything but watch TV and see topless women on HBO.
So here is The Jon and The Jon’s Dad is excited to show The Older Sister who actually knew The Jon’s Dad when he was married to The Mom and he and The Older Sister walk to the TV. Under it is this big rectangular plastic box. There was nothing on it except plastic buttons and a LED clock.

Now back in the early ’80s, LED was known as the word “digital.” Ooooh, that sounds futuristic.

So The Jon is looking at this scene where The Older Sister is flipping out and getting all excited and all The Jon can think (yes think, The Jon didn’t talk that much as a kid, maybe because of the whole divorced thing that The Jon’s Dad could have tried to explain instead of wasting his time buying a damn VCR. Yeah, thanks Dad) anyways, let’s repeat:

So The Jon is looking at this scene where The Older Sister is flipping out and getting all excited and all The Jon can think of is “Wow, what a cool digital clock.”

The Four Horsemen: A video history

Just back from a rendezvous in Cambridge Massachusetts, and The Jon gets the news that the WWE retired Ric Flair? Ric Flair of the Four Horsemen, the elite gang of professional wrestling? You know The Four Horsemen, the charter member of The Jon’s Man-crush Club? Part of The Jon has been seriously hampered knowing Ric Flair will no longer show off his shoes that cost more than my house, pal. Whether his retirement is real is up for debate, but to honor the best in the business, the Video History returns. While not as extensive as the L.O.N.S. retrospective it will still relate to fantasy baseball.

Shortstop Scenario: A video history

So, The Jon can’t help but look at the first round of any fantasy baseball draft and think of the Leaders of the New School. For those not in the know,The Jon and PoiDog invented that group back in 1991 and pumped Sobb Story back in our weak rides. The Jon sported a tan Dodge Caravan while PoiDog cruised in with the more respectable Toyota Tercel. It is ironic that LONS’ biggest hit was Sobb Story while their career became just like the hit’s moniker. Yeah, it’s been said it takes The Jon a long time to get to his point, but LONS reminds me of Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez and it all leads up to a showdown at the Arsenio Hall show. Confused? Then read on my friends.

Ichiro (vs.) Crawford

Newspaperman has been slobbering over The Jon revisiting the Ichiro vs. Crawford debate, but it won’t happen. There is no debate. Ichiro is hands down the better player. This one of the reasons why The Jon created this site is so real fantasy baseballers such as yourselves have an option from the misguided experts permeating the Internet landscape today. Anyone that can sport a japanese version of a high-top fade deserves to be ranked higher. Carl Crawford doesn’t even know what a high-top fade is.