Draft Results: No Gimmicks Needed

Two weeks before the season started, TheBaseballStars held its annual draft for the “State” league. It’s a 7×7, 10-team, head-to-head keeper league where owners keep five players and a prospect. All five of ‘Stars are in this league. Below is the analysis and results of team “No Gimmicks Needed.” In case you’re wondering, the team is in fact named after Chris Candido (pictured here) whom I felt had one of the coolest monikers ever.

Top 10 third basemen: 2009

David Wright naked pictures. That one sentence just guaranteed about 50 page views over the course of the season. Good news Newspaperman, the absence of pictures means you won’t have to secretly wash that towel, and your wife won’t say, “Hey, what happened to all the Windex?”
Welcome to the fifth installment of TheBaseballStars draft advice. We are on third base and it is getting harder to write the intro to this stuff.
Sorry for the dirty David Wright trick above ladies and gents (some of you) … but at least you don’t have it as bad as Newspaperman who surrounds himself in his David Wright baseball cards in his underwear. Let’s just say, crying, cussing and self loathing are involved. So read on and good luck or Godspeed or something.

Rebuilding A Franchise: A rebuttal

Go ahead and read Newspaperman’s 1,000 word diatribe on how he rebuilt his team in our bush-fantasy league.
It is a study on what good fantasy managers do when their team sucks in a keeper league. Now Newspaperman’s case hardly ever happens. Newspaperman on paper had a viable list of keepers with the flagship being Chase Utley … but here’s the dealer. He was willing to trade Utley. Granted, it is well known Newspaperman sees The Jon as a hero, someone to emulate if you will and he went into this season by stealing The Jon’s mindset … blow your team the hail up. And it all started with his b.s. trade of Cole Hamels and Ryan Braun for a first round pick.

Rebuilding A Franchise: From First to Worst and Back … Hopefully

It started with a poor season.

For better or worse, the 2008 baseball season was a disaster for my squad in the SLO League, causing me to seriously consider blowing up the team that had led me to two titles. I’d entered the 2008 draft with what at the time was considered OK keepers — Chase Utley, Victor Martinez, Justin Verlander, Carlos Lee and CC Sabathia. But then things quickly started to unravel.

Britney Spears, Grady Sizemore and of course, fantasy baseball magazines

Even though The Jon is a couple of days late due to being consumed by the MLB Network, The Jon did not miss out on the best day of the year. What day is this y’all ask? Thought you’d never ask. The Sporting News came out with its fantasy baseball magazine. Like what type of beer to drink on a 10 degree day, The Jon is a fantasy baseball magazine connoisseur.
And after 10 seasons of poring over them, The Jon has come to the undeniable conclusion of The Sporting News puts the best magazine out there. Sure that’s like saying Britney Spears is a better singer than Jessica Simpson, but since TheBaseballStars are to stupid and lazy to put one out on their own, The Sporting News will have to do.

Hey Newspaperman …

Now that the season is over, Newspaperman will have to resort to poring over baseball cards and random fangirl magazine interviews of his heartthrob known as Grady Sizemore. So being the good friend The Jon is, The Greatness has decided to share this video of Sizemore stretching.

Newspaperman, windex and vaseline will follow. Try to limit computer use to 30 minutes at a time. Look, The Jon knows you want to be a Grady’s Lady, so The Jon will give you more advice:

Championship: The Final Countdown

This is it. The final weekend of the fantasy baseball season, and No Gimmicks Needed and The Terror Returns are neck and neck for the championship in TheBaseballStars League. Who will win it? Not even the owners of the two teams are sure.

Fixing the WordPress glitch part 2

Got an e-mail from the Hip-Hop Hindu today about M.O.P. and it got The Jon thinking. Normally The Jon thinking is not a good thing especially when The Jon is trying to get rid of the WordPress glitch The Jon so eloquently wrote about earlier today. So the thought went something like this: Who is more harder than M.O.P.’s Billy Danzenie? He’s been yelling at people for 12 years now.

Just look at this guy.
Real talk.
So it got The Jon thinking again. Who is the hardest baseball player today? First off, the guy can’t be no scrub hitting .240 or a pitcher sporting a 3.50 ERA. He has to be a top 25 player. He can’t be a heartthrob along the lines of Grady Sizemore and David Wright. The player has to be a guy you are willing to take to street fight like Danzenie over here. And he has to follow the long line of baseball hardcore players of seasons past.

The hardest player of today has to follow along the lines of the enforcers of the past …

Bob Gibson

They changed the rules of the game because this guy was so dominant. His mug was so intimidating Major League Baseball said “Hey, you are scaring all the hitters. We are going to lower the mound so they don’t have to change their pants as much when you look at them.”

Dave Stewart

Hey Dave, The Jon has never said anything about your Mom. Back in the late ’80s – early ’90s I said you were the bomb. Bomb. Not mom.

Dave Parker

Hey Dave. It’s your time to hit.

“I’m the Cobra dammnit. I still got two hits left of this.”

And the winner for 2008 hardest is

The Jon knows these things to be true: Week 15

With the All-Star game this week, fantasy baseball heads into a short week with a smidge of games Thursday followed by three days of a normal schedule. In honor of the shotened week, The Jon is going to chill on The Jon’s Monday Morning Diatribe and keep it short. It reeks of “a video history” combined with “which baseball star are you” around here. So here it is.

First up is the Jon with Ice Cube back when he was good with Dead Homiez. The title is The Jon’s team with something like four straight losses and a current 7th or 8th place standing. This is nothing new. The Jon’s teams are always a trial in patience. It still sucks, and The Jon might not look at fantasy baseball for a couple of weeks.

Four Bagger: Oh, it hurts …

When I set out to publish this piece Tuesday morning, I had lots on my mind. The re-anointed fantasy savior Juan Pierre had hit the disabled list, Grady Sizemore was tied for the American League lead in homers, and I attempted to discuss my reasoning for NOT playing Todd Wellemeyer this week. Well, much has changed since then, so lets not waste anymore time.